Thank you

S and Tash thanks for your comments. S, I am sorry for your loss too. Lets keep talking.


So I had a bad Monday night and whole of Tuesday. I am not sure if it is because I had an appointment today for Bloodwork and US. I am scared of the upcoming procedure while at the same time trying to stay positive. More than anything I just want my daughter back. Somehow the closer the IVF date approaches the more I think about my daughter. People say ask God for another child. My whole being wants to say...but you do not understand there will never be another Imani, she was somebody with her own personality, did things a certain way, cried a certain way, laughed , smiled, ate a certain way, I want that back.

I started reading Your Best Life now by Joel Osteen. The constant theme in this book is being positive, being thankful, enlarging your vision etc. I really do not like forwards but coincidentally, a friend sent me this today;

"DEAR GOD:
I want to thank You for what you have already done. I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me; I am thanking you right now.. I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears ; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job; I am going to thank you right now. I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief; I am thanking you right now. I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed;
I am thanking you right now. I am thanking you because I am alive. I am thanking you because I made it through the day's difficulties. I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles. I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more and do better"

So today I choose to say thank you. I feel crappy but I choose to be thankful.

I finally met my new Angel RN after my US and Bloodwork today. She is awesome. Honestly she did not rush us. I felt that she was really there to help us through this process. I am very glad that she will be working with us. I think in this process one needs all the good vibes they can get.

So at about 8pm I injected 150 iu of Follistim and one cc of dilutant to 1 Menopur powder. It was confusing at first ....I think I must have have used 20 alcohol swabs ....dont even ask why...just pure paranoia. My husband usually helps out with the injections but he will be coming later today so.....I had to do it. Once my nerves settled ....it was not that bad. The dose remains the same tomorrow. On Friday I go back to the Dr for US. My Lupron has been reduced to 5 units starting tomorrow.


My estradol level was 35. Angel RN said that they usually like to see a number below 50. Its funny they tested for pregancy today. I thought, we suppressed ovulation so how can I be pregant. My body is so predicatble. I have a 28 day cycle never ever went below or above that number and I ovulate at exactly 14 days. So I just know that when they stop ovulation, it really probably 100% stops. Thats why the pregancy test was a little interesting. Anyway I do understand why they did it, in the off chance that somehow I ovulated. They also checked for cysts. Non were found. Apparently suppressing hormones can cause cysts? I did not know that. I thought it only happens after stims.

So I did not excercise today. I guess I will try make up for it the rest of the week.

Thats it today.

Thanks all

CT