More Awards

Not much to say today. I have been reading several blogs. I have chosen the ones below to award.

Gods Faithfulness Through Infertility
Nothing to fear but INFERTILITY
Samuel Lee
Tubeless in Seattle-A Pregnant (with Triplets after IVF) blog
Only God knows when

I had a great day yesterday with friends I met in church. I had invited them for Lunch and we had a great time.

CT

Quiet Me O Lord

Thanks Melissa and Becky for your encouraging comments. I feel much better today so I will post something. I had ET yesterday morning. All 3 embies fertilized and were good enough to transfer. I for once did not want to know too many details as I was already nervous and stressed out. (Did I mention that my BP was elavated just before and during ER...)DH and I are just glad that we could have some transfered. I only had slight cramping yesterday and thats it.

The Endometrium pills are still being pushed up the girls area three times a day. I am on estrace twice a day, 1 asprin and 1 prenatal. I am also taking Omega 3.

Interesting fact I forgot to mention is that ER was actually on my birthday. DH gave me a very nice silver bracelet with a heart shape on one end. as I lay in bed with a huge bloated belly and still sleepy from the anesthesia (I think). I was thinking... I am really a simple person and he nailed it with this gift. Very pretty and understated...just the way I like it.

The ER and ET sections have very friendly stuff. They hugged,encouraged and give a lot of words of wisdom. I was really impressed and felt like somebody really understood how hard this whole process is.

So this is officially the 2WW. I hope that there will be good news at the end of these wait. I trust that God knows the desires of my heart and if it is his will he shall bless us with a pregancy in this cycle. Its amazing how much calmer I am now that the embies were transfered. Sometimes I have butterflies (nerves) but I have to have all this in perspective. As the RN assisting with ET told me "You have done all you can just relax and let it be." Easier said than done...which she also said.

I am reading a book by Debra Bidwell :The Ache for a Child and liked the verse in first chapter Psalm 94:19 "Lord when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil,quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer". This is my prayer for these two weeks.

I will be going to the library tomorrow to return some books and maybe get some more. I was truly blessed in that I have this month off of work to focus on IVF. I took the time to really rest but now I am running out of things to do. I will start talking to my HR so they can start looking for another project for me (I travel a lot for my work.) I guess I could also start looking at our project database to help out in the placement process. August 28th is my last official day on the brak. After that I really should be on a project. But I really thank God because he came through for me and enabled me to do this at this time.

One thing I need to stop doing is check Dr Google and other IF blogs in search of symptoms and success rates among other 2ww related nerve wrecking behaviour such as constantly prodding my chest area(which was already sore I guess due to the Injectibles). I will however focus more on reading and commenting on other IF blogs that I am currently following.

So I hope that this blog encourages somebody out there just as I am encouraged so far that God is faithful and he does perform miracles....Remember a few days ago my cycle was being cancelled and we actually got 7 eggs. To many this might be few but I chose to look at it as a miracle. If we did the math 3/7 is about a 42 % fertlization rate. This is great based on the last two weeks of ups and downs. So even if I choose to just look upto this moment I can still say to God be the glory for he has done great things. Thanks to everybody who thought about us or prayed for us. (This understanding also made me not want to know too much about the fertilized eggs that had successfully started dividing. I deeply now understand that it is only God that made those eggs,made the sperm and egg fertilize , made the eggs start dividing so it is futile to want to know all the minute details.) At the end of the day God is the author of life.

God bless you all.

CT

I Need to be strong

Lets see, ET was actually not that bad. I have been popping Extra strength Tylenol to help with the cramping. So far only 3 have made it to ICSI. I am very nervous............I cried out to God today that this cycle be successful. I could barely master the strength to continue writting.

This whole process is such a roller coster. It is actually truly stressing me out. I know that the stress is not good for me but I just cannot help it. I cried a lot when I learnt that they got only 7 eggs and now only three have made it to fertilization. ET is possibly day 3. Due to the numbers I do not think day 5 is being considered.

Again I just have continue submitting myself to God as there is nothing I can do. I was feeling so defeated so I am proud that I have posted something today regardless of how short. I feel good enough to walk so DH and I will take a stroll.

For all of you out there TTC best wishes.


CT

Out of my Control

CD12: Came from the Drs.Here is todays follicle count; RT:12.3mm, 18.6mm,11.9mm,11.5mm LT:13.6,17.3. In short I have 6 follicles that they can be measured but only 2 mature follicles. On the bright side this is one more mature follie today than two days ago. The Dr. said I should come in tomorrow but be ready to cancel IVF. The Dr. seems to think the rest are too small. I am still hopefull. Here is why... on sarturday I had 2 follies at 12 and 11 mm on the left ovary. Today one of these follies is 17mm. This is a 4-5 mm growth in 2 days. I am praying that the 4 follicles seen today grow at the same or higher rate. If this happens, I might just be in the clear. Also there is one more follie seen today. So there could be more that are still catching up. I am praying for 8 mature follies by tomorrow. I know this requires a miracle...so that is what I am praying for.

Anyway the Dr. said that if we cancel IVF we might switch to IUI that will be done on Thursday. He mumbled something about some insuarance companies not approving the switch......So what does this mean? I should have asked at the time but I did not. I guess we might have to pay for IUI out of pocket. I really prefer IVF because I really want to see how my egg and my DH sperm work together. I guess I just need to know whether or not there are any huge fertilization problems. It seems like monitoring for these types of issues can probably be analyzed better via an IVF.

But at the end of the day I know I have to be in Gods will so I have been praying a lot about all this asking for his blessings, his direction, his favour. Whichever way this goes I have put myself at Gods throne of mercy. I have done my best, but a lot of this is really out of my control. Truthfully I am scared and I have to try very hard to not get panicky(which I am known for)

Now I will try my best to forget all this and take my Uncle around for some more touristy stuff. It is supposed to be really hot today but I will be dressed for it today. It should be a good distraction.

CT

Here is to Hope

Award goes to the following blogs. According to the rules I have 10 more bloggers to award

Jennifer's IVF and Adventure in Pregnancy
Entrusted
Dancin' in the Rain
Day by Day
Living in the Rainbow


Here I am to worship
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5hN_m55uoM

I have to stay strong today. I am grateful that I did go to church today. The song above really uplifted me during worship today.

Yesterday was CD11: I had my US and BW yesterday. My husband and I insisted to see our main Dr. instead of the PA. So here goes....there were 5 follicles Right side 17.6, 11.1, 8.7 Left side 12.1, 11.5 The left side showed no progression from CD9. My Dr. talked about cancellation of the IVF cycle. I could not really hear him through my tears. I cried for a long time. So not all the 14 follicles that were initially seen are growing adequately. The Dr. apologized and mumbled something about he cannot give me another ovary....???? (DH did not like that comment). Dr # 1 said that they will change the meds in the next cycle( suggesting that he has already given up on this cycle). Since Angel RN is on vacation RN #2 talked to me. She did not have an explanation other than saying that thats how my body/ovaries have decided to respond in this cycle. Basically that there is nothing they can do. I asked if we can change to IUI and she said that it is an option. I am still hopeful. My husband and I decided to still continue on and wait on God.

Recap: I have had three clomid cycles this year. In all these cycles I have been given a pep talk about possibility of reduction due to too many mature follicles. (All resulted to BFN) So what happened this cycle? We are on IVF due to what the Dr. thinks is MF infertility based on very low sperm counts of about 5 Mil postwash in a good day. I have been pregnant before and given birth. My husband and I thought that we would not have too much trouble in at least getting the eggs. Now we are confused and discouraged.

Everything worked out so well in terms of my work and time off to be able to do IVF at this time.(I travel a lot so getting extended time off again will be impossible unless I quit thats why yesterdays news was so upsetting) I do not know what to think. My husband and I are trying to stay positive. I have another US and BW appointment tomorrow. I have been praying since yesterday for a miracle. I am praying that more follicles catch up. I have to say that I am shocked by my numbers. I am shocked by my response to the meds this cycle.

On a lighter note, we went out to a friends house last night and had a lot of fun. My friend and her husband were hosting a one night camp at their place. So people brought their tents and pitched them all around her yard in a circle. It was so cool. My DH and I were not spending the night but we played a couple of games, ate good food and laughed a lot. Today after church we took my uncle who is visiting to DC. It was about 90 Deg Fahrenheit. I really need to check out the weather channel a little more. I actually had to buy a tshirt and change since the top that I had on was too heavy and I was sweating profusely. I changed at the back of the stand..... Anyway we had a good time ....it was a good distraction.

What is the least number and size of follicles is acceptable for IVF? Does anybody have some tips to share with us?

God please help us.

CT

All the follies in the house please stand up

I went to the Drs for US and BW. Estrogen level is at 380. It was 98 on Tuesday. Menopur was stays 225 units Follistim stays at 300 units. The follicles seem to be increasing in size. Some were at 13mm.

I really have to vent about something. A PA (Physician Assistant) did my ultra sound today. She could not really tell how many follicles were on my left ovary. I have known for a while that my uterus is tilted to the left. This usually means that its a little difficult to see my left ovary. So whenever I have these US I always remind the person peforming it that my uterus is tilted to the left today was no exception. After a few minutes of proding and trying different positions, she said she could only see two follies on the left and about 5 on the right. Recap: On Tuesday the Dr. that did my US on Tuesday counted 7 follies on each side????? To be fair he also had to press down a couple of times on the left side of my tummy to find the ovary but he found it. So far with this cycle I have had very good things happen to me, I was assigned a great RN, and now have some time off work. But honestly when this PA came in to the room I somehow knew that this visit was going to be a little different.

Another recap: In may after three failed IUIs, this PA instructed me to start my BCP but then forgot to hand in the authorization papers on time for IVF approval. She then told me that they do not recommend one being on BCP for more than 6 weeks on any IVF cycle. When I realized that they had not recieved an approval a coulple of weeks later, the question I had at that time was, why would the practice ask me to start BCP when my authorization was not even submitted? We did not even know how long that approval process was going to take. I know it was probably not just her fault but the actual practice organization. But it was her that we were communicating with at the time. Finally when the authorization came in she never called. The practice in general did not call to tell me what to do about BCP's. It had already been more than four weeks which meant that I should have been on another pack.....This was quite a frustrating experience. I actually started thinking of changing Drs or stopping the whole IVF process altogether.

I had actually bought the second BCP pack but after a few days decided to stop. (I was worried that I was taking this drug that was preventing me from getting pregnant while all I wanted was to be pregnant) at about 6 weeks an approval letter came in the mail. Thanks be to God, we had been approved for three IVF cycles. I then called the practice several times and guess what, my calls were not returned. Finally my nurse at the time called and left a generic message. A little later we received a letter in the mail from this nurse announcing that she was moving to another job.

Next enter Angel RN......As soon as I started talking to her on the phone I could tell that she was a little different. She said that she sensed that I was quite frustrated and that she was going to do her best to eliminate that frustration and support us. She was open to several forms of communication including email. I wrote a really long email asking several questions based on stuff I found on Dr Google. I also asked if I could work with only one Dr and one RN. The answer in short was that she was going to be on vacation(which happens to be this week). and the main Drs vacation was going to be next week(Retreival/Transfer week).

The above is the backdrop of why todays visit was frustrating. Since Cycle day 1 the same Dr. has done the US. So far I have been pretty happy with this. So when the PA walked in and then could hardly find my left ovary and couldnt really see how many follies were there, I was quite unhappy. She also said that of the 5 follies she was seeing on the right she didnt think that all of them would make it to retrieval since they were so small. How many total follies did I have today? The honest answer is I do not know. I think based on the US today the total is 7?????

So what happened to the other 7??? Who do I believe the PA or the Dr??? Will my dosage change based on todays numbers???(which I do not trust) This is the reason why I prefer to see one Dr. and talk to one RN at all times. I think I really need to have this conversation with the Main Dr and Nurse again. What do you guys think???? I have another appointment on saturday I hope I see the Dr that has been doing my US. I feel like this is my body and I need to know whats really going on as opposed to feeling like somebody is guessing or not sure. This process is already hard enough and I really do not need any more complications.

So today I am upset and really had to try very hard not to cry. What do you guys think? Any suggestions on how to handle this situation? Or am I being overly sensitive? Sorry about rambling on and on......


Be and stay blessed

CT

Be encouraged my friends

I am slacking here I know. Melissa thanks for your award, I tried to go to your blog and look for it, but could'nt find it. I just started blogging so I havent figured a lot of things yet. Regardless, thank you. I wish you all the best in your upcoming IVF cycle.

So its official, I cannot continue running. I am really trying to decrease my weight as we get into retreival and transfer phase. I have finally really committed to loosing the 30 pounds that I really should not be carrying around. So I am a little discouraged about that.

Check this out, I am not really loosing any weight. I am watching my calories I now have a calorie counter on me. So far in the last 3 hours 20 minutes I have expended 602 calories. I am 5 Ft and 155 pounds. 1st July this year I was 150 pounds, several months before then I was 146 pounds. Is it the meds really? Recap: I was on BCP in April, my authorisation did not come through so I stopped BCP in May. I started BCP in July, Lupron about 3 weeks later now on Follistim and Menopur only. I weighed myself yesterday and was 155 pounds. I am excercising everyday other than Sunday by running 4 miles. Its been a month now and no change. I increased the weekly mileage to 6 yesterday. I will weigh myself again on Sarturday to see if anything will happen. Today I walked those 6 miles and boy was I tired.

Back to why I am walking, well I kind of knew that the Dr. would probably tell me not to run anymore so I kind of delayed asking him, seeing how my weight isnt coming off. Yesterday Dr. called me with my results. When I asked him what type of excercise I should be doing he said "use the lyptical no jumping". I said what about running, he said "running is jumping." I think what he means is, do nothing that has a jumping motion. So thats that. I will be walking for a while.

Enough about weight issues. So the real reason the Dr called me instead of an RN is because he was answering a question we had asked our Angel RN. We wanted to know if we can be agressive with this cycle and transfer 3 embies. The answer was a clear no. He was very firm on the fact that it is not an option especially because this will be our first IVF. Apparently this is part of a regulation by the association of reproductive medicine(I will confirm the name of the association and change the name if incorrect). This association has some stipulations and Dr's can be jailed if found to not be within the confines of these rules. I guess I should look at it as the glass is half full in terms of we will be blessed to have even 2 good enbies to put back in.

So I figure I will not worry about the things I cannot change. I will only focus on those things that I can do to prepare myself to have good eggs. On that note I have increased my water intake. I usually struggle to complete 32 ounces a day. Today I am going to drink another 32 ounces. I figure this will also help clean up my body.

IF update. I feel ok. I think I am starting to feel some stirrings around my ovaries. Nothing very definate but every now and then I feel some dull tagging and cramping. Yesterday the Menopur dose was increased to 225. Follistim stays at 300. Tomorrow I have yet another appointment for US and BW. I actually forgot to ask what my Estradol levels were and this is bugging me. I will wait until tomorrow but I hope that the level is rising like it should. Ohh I have also ran out o fmeds so I have to run to the pharmacy and get some Follistim and Menopur.

Today I feel like encouraging myself and everybody else that is on this journey. Let us keep on moving forward, let us try to stay positive, let us continue to hope. We loose nothing by keeping our spirits up. Let us love those who are close to us, our spouses, children, sisters and brothers, and friends. Stop for a while and enjoy a hug, a kiss, a touch from a loved one, really enjoy it. Enjoy being loved as you love, never forgetting to forever cherish what we now have.

Be and stay blessed.

CT